Marge, Tina, and Cindy had made plans to attend the premiere of Madonna’sfilm Evita. All three looked forward to the event, but at the lastminute an unforeseen emergency at work prevented Cindy from going with them.Feeling bad for Cindy’s sake, the other two sniffled and wept. But Cindyconsoled them: “Don’t cry for me, Marge and Tina.”
Jesus Christ is dying on the cross, his disciples are gathered around, crying. Peter looks up and notices that Jesus seems to be calling him, “Peter, come hither!” Immediately Peter rushes over to the cross, only to be hit severely over the head by the roman guard. He gets on his feet again and wants to return to the other disciples when he hears Jesus calling again, “Peter, come hither!” So, again Peter tries to climb the cross to get to his lord, when the roman soldier draws his sword and chops Peter’s arm off. Peter is getting a little pissed and wants to go back to his buddies, but again Jesus summons. The roman guard can’t believe that Peter is trying yet AGAIN to climb to the cross, and chops off another arm. Peter is now covered in blood and demented from the blow to the head and wants to call it a day. Jesus hoarsly croaks, “Peter, please, come to me!” By now, the roman gurad is tired of chopping limbs, so he lets Peter be. The faithful disciple struggles to climb the cross (without arms mind you) and after a long while he finally arrives at his Lord’s side. Hurting, suffering, bleeding, Peter looks into his Master’s eyes and asks, “yes, my Lord. What is it?” Jesus smiles lovingly and looks off into the distance as a weak smile plays across his face, “Look Peter, I can see your house from here!”
What would happen if you ate yeast and polish? You would rise and shine.
Why did the man tear a page out of the calendar? He wanted to take a month off.
a man walks into a library drunk and says can i have a fish and chips please the woman says sir this is a library and then whispers can i have a fish and chips please
How does a witch tell time? With a witchwatch.
What do you get when you combine a recliner with a fruit? A chairy.
Said Helvetica Narrow to Helvetica Bold: “Hey, you’re just my type.”
What’s the difference between Vietnam and Iraq?
George Bush had a plan for getting out of Vietnam.
What kind of house is easiest to pick up? A light house.