Category: funny shit









shakespeare’s character descriptions/stage directions/contexts are so vague it makes me so happy. wanna make Laertes hamlet’s ex boyfriend? doesn’t say HE’S NOT. wanna make juliet a trans girl? WHERE IN THE SCIRPT DOES IT SAY SHE ISN’T??? fucking put King Lear in SPACE set that shit on the enterprise THERE ARE NO RULES IN SHAKESPEARE 

The best part is that pretty much all of the fights are “they fight” with no mention of whether it’s with swords or throwing knives or kung-fu or if they just do the slappy-hands thing at each other.

the only rule in shakespeare is that a bear must show up in the winter’s tale. could be a grizzly. polar. panda. hell, antigonus could’ve wandered into a gay club.

This is the EXACT reason why shakespeare endures more than any other writer, btw

it’s what he would have wanted

@jabletown bears for u









If anyone tries to tell you that Shakespeare is stuffy or boring or highbrow, just remember that the word “nothing” was used in Elizabethan era slang as a euphemism for “vagina”. 

Shakespeare has a play called “Much Ado About Nothing”, which you could basically read in modern slang as “Freaking Out Over Pussy”. And that’s pretty much exactly what happens in the play. 

It’s also a pun with a third meaning. There’s the sex sense of much ado about “nothing”, there’s the obvious sense that people today see, and then there’s the fact that in Shakespeare’s day, “nothing” was pronounced pretty much the same as “noting”, which was a term used for gossip. So, “Flamewar Over Rumors” works as a title interpretation, too.

The reason we call Shakespeare a genius is that he can make a pussy joke in the same exact words he uses to make biting social commentary about letting unverified gossip take over the discourse.

So like.

A truly accurate modern translation would be “I Cunt Believe He Said That”?


I truly feel the ghost of Shakespeare has never been more proud of me. 

I feel Shakespeare’s approval in this chili’s tonight

Brilliant! @ariestess, i feel this is very pertinent to you!










when i was 12 i got banned from yahoo answers and when i emailed support to be like “what did i do??” i got a really vague answer that just said “you know what you did” and it still haunts me to this day

When I was 10 I was in a AOL chatroom for kids and we were all making this Homer Simpson face (8^(|) but this one girl Crystal forgot to put the nose in the face so I said “You forgot the nose crystal” and I immediately got booted offline and no one in my family could log on. My Mom talked to someone from AOL and they said I was trying to sell drugs to minors because I said “nose crystal”

When I was like 10 I roleplayed with people on Neopets, completely innocent stuff like ‘high school AU’ or ‘wolf AU’ and the like. I made a thread called ‘See the Sea Hotel’ and it went on for a few replies until I randomly got my account frozen and after explaining to my mom for a good 30 minutes that ‘frozen’ didn’t mean the computer wouldn’t respond, she got on to try and send an email to Neopets’ staff and they said that ‘hotel’ was a restricted word because it included ‘ho’ in it

I had a similar experience around that age with an online music game called Audition.

I said something like “Can I get the speed to 2x speed?” and it automatically changed my message to “Can I get the **** to **** ****?”, and a moderator saw that modified message and suspended my account for offensive language.

It turned out that I couldn’t say ‘speed’ because it had ‘pee’ in it, and I when I contacted support to say it was a mistake on their part and asked if I could be unsuspended, they said that I was also writing numbers, and writing numbers was strictly forbidden just in case they were a phone number.

I remember playing Phantasy Star Online back in like 2001 – it was one of the first console MMOs, if I remember correctly – and you didn’t get banned for saying “bad words”, but they did get censored. their list of inappropriate words was….extensive, and one in particular created a real problem for people trying to make plans to play together. because of course the most common day of the week to do that would be Saturday, right? but. that has the word “turd” in it. so. every time. you tried to say “do you want to play Saturday”. it would say. “do you want to play $%&@%#+%”. and the other person is just. sitting there. wondering. what the fuck did you just ask them to play

In middle school our school had a messaging system for the students that forbade “hello” because it said hell. It caused so many problems they sat down the entire sixth grade to give them a debriefing on banned words

how did I forget to include when I was teaching at a high school and I got my English class to all write persuasive essays to send to the school district office about getting rid of the internet monitoring software they were using because a kid got a three-day internet ban for trying to read an article published by the University of Essex

in the 90s AOL had a problem with the online population of Scunthorpe.

This shit’s beautiful. I wish I had a story to share along these lines…




other people writing ao3 comments: love this! can’t wait to see more ❤

me writing ao3 comments: gyjfsdghjkldsfhj fukc dude i……… eat this if i could….

Reblog if you want someone to love your fic so hard they’d eat it


Hermione: Please say words of encouragement to me so I don’t murder Malfoy right now.
Harry: There are no books in Azkaban.
Hermione: *nods* Thank you.






writing style: author from the 1800s with a severe love of commas whose sentences last half a page 

I came out here, to this point, to this place, hoping against all hope and despite signs and portends suggesting otherwise that I might, somehow, find myself having a pleasant experience, and yet here I stand, alone against the world, feeling assaulted, attacked on all fronts, knowing not my enemy’s name nor his face nor whether our battle is done.

….is that “I came here to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now” but by Oscar Wilde

@ariestess! Listen! The song of your people!

My people!

rakhila: same





part of me hopes adult harry james potter is knowingly currently apparating here and there and everywhere without a proper apparition license because he never actually got one and no one at the ministry wants to be That Asshole™

that brings it to his attention



when meryl streep updates her own meme 🗣🙌🏻



ya’ll: who do u side with in black panther? t’challa or killmonger?

me, an intellectual: nakia

Me, also an intellectual: Shuri